Which comes first — ‘Confidence?’ Or success?
April 18th, 2008 by WesFound myself discussing the topic of “confidence” with a friend last night, and it’s a subject I’ve wondered about for many years now, not necessarily in the sports realm.
In sports, we all know how confidence (or lack thereof) plays an important role in success or failure. Same could be said in other parts of life.
But here’s where it gets tricky … in sports, I was raised with the old-school idea that confidence is something that must be earned and deserved. It’s not something you can just buy in a store or fool yourself into having. It either comes naturally, from God-given talent, or through hard work and practice — proving to yourself that you can do something well.
And we all know that confidence can be built by having success, which breeds more confidence.
In sports, we often measure success with a scoreboard, or at least by performance, so by the end of the game we can pretty much tell whether someone’s confidence is real or imagined. A guy can strut onto the court or field with apparent “confidence,” but if he gets totally outplayed and exposed, well, maybe that confidence is not as sturdy or well-placed as it should be.
As Father Bray said, “There is a fine line between confidence and overconfidence …”
Sports has a way of humbling you and keeping things in check (like shooting 105 in golf).
In other parts of life, though, I’ve found confidence to be a more complicated trait. Some people appear to exude confidence, without really having a basis for it. They somehow have convinced themselves that they are better than they really are, and are somehow able to convince other people that they are better than they really are just by exuding that “confidence.”
And then, if that confidence — real or imagined — leads to success, like we said, it breeds more confidence. Until, I guess, the confidence is actually earned and becomes real instead of imagined.
Anybody follow?
So I guess my chicken-or-the-egg question is this: Which comes first — “Confidence?” Or success?
If you say “confidence,” then how do you get that confidence without first having success? Is it possible to “fool yourself” into thinking you are better than you really are, so that you have the confidence even without a true basis for it?
If you say “success” comes first, OK, then how do you get that success without having the necessary confidence? Luck?
It reminds of that old Army recruiting commercial, where the poor guy keeps getting turned down at job interviews and is told repeatedly, “Sorry, but we can’t hire you if you don’t have experience.”
So the guy says, “But how do I get the experience if nobody will hire me?”
The answer there is, “Join the Army!”
I’d like to hear your answers: Which comes first, “confidence?” Or success?
April 18th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Practice, discipline, hard work, more practice, and a little luck lead to success. Confidence is simply an outward manifestation of that success, Wes.
This is true whether on or off the field or court.
Luck/chance favors the prepared mind/body/person.
April 18th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
i agree with cjs1…confidence is the by-product of success…as for wes’ example of those exuding confidence w/out success…i ran into people like this before…they’re better than they look, but they’re not as good as they think they are…i think there’s a distinction between self-esteem (feeling good about yourself w/out success) and confidence (feeling good about yourself because of success)…as parents/teachers/coaches, we all strive to provide love/support in hopes that our kids have self-esteem…but the bottom line is, this self-esteem will not develop into true confidence until they experience some kind of success…
April 18th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Confidence definately comes first. If you don’t have the confidence in yourself to complete a task you’ve already failed. e.g., Chad Owens being told he was too small/slow for D-1 and pro ball but, he was confident in his abilities and had success. He may not be a hall-of-famer, but his confidence in himself will help him in other endeavors in his life. That’s what “Rocky” type movies are all about, you may not be the best at what you do but the fact you gave it your best makes you sucessful. The problem with being with successful sometimes, is you lose your confidence and gain cockiness and arrogance (everybody will hate me for saying this), that’s what happened to U.H. in the Sugar Bowl. U.H.’s 12-0 season came from the confidence of the players that they belong with the elite (and they did), which morphed in to arrogance and cockiness. That led to them forgetting everything that got them to the Sugar Bowl feeling they only needed to show up for the game. Confidence in yourself leads to success.
April 18th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
Not trying to take the easy way out, but I would say it depends on the person. Some people are confident in themselves and their abilities (both mental and physical), which leads to success, on and off the field. Confidence is not necessarily a result of something specific you are doing, though it can have an impact - it’s more the cumulative result of positive reinforcement in whatever we have done before along with our upbringing.
For example, say there are two pitchers on different teams. They are equally gifted, practice the same amount and work hard. The first coach tells a pitcher that he’s great and to keep it up, while the other pitcher gets told that he’s never - ever - going to be the best. Week after week, it continues. While both are equally “successful,” the first pitcher might be told he threw a great game, because even if there were runs against him, they still got the win. The second one gets chastised for the runs against him, even if they win. In the end, who will feel more confident? Actually, you don’t know. You could assume it would be the first pitcher but, if the second pitcher was able to get past the negativity of his coach, he (and others) could provide his positive reinforcement and he could be just as confident as the first one. But, if he isn’t strong enough to get past it, he could dwell on the negative and his confidence could be eroded.
Others may lack confidence in themselves but may still end up being successful, maybe due to hard work (working hard does not guarantee success but, in some cases, may be a means to prevent failure), which may lead to increased confidence. I think you might be surprized, however, by the number of people you perceive to be confident or overconfident who actually are insecure and use that aura of confidence as a coverup. You can be successful and not truly confident and vice versa because, in the end, everything is relative.
Phew… hope this makes sense!
April 19th, 2008 at 12:44 am
I have no problem with confident people but I am old-school in the belief that the person should have a legitimate basis to exude confidence other than being a “legend in his own mind.”
It does bother me when others get fooled into buying such a person’s act as the real deal, without knowing what that person really is all about.
Mahalo for reading.
April 19th, 2008 at 5:34 am
Having self confidence takes time, it can lead to many things in life. The ability to make friends with almost anyone, win all the games you no you should win, fell good aboub yourself and improove your self esteem. Thanks for sharing this info Wes.
April 19th, 2008 at 6:19 am
let me put it to you this way…someone w/self-esteem might “feel” confident going into the game, but usually “let the game slip away” when they get too far behind…however, someone w/true confidence has the mental toughness to overcome the deficit because they’ve “been there, done that” (punahou & tennessee womens’ b-ball programs)…
April 21st, 2008 at 7:58 am
wes,
good topic. i would say confidence, anywhere in life, not just sports, can come initially from mentors, like parents, coaches, or teachers. they let us know when we are successful and encourage us to keep that success going. for example, when we first learn how to read, it takes someone to sit with us and help us form words, syllables, or whatevers. once we know we read it right, then we have the confidence to continue on to harder and more challenging words, sentences, etc. same thing, in sports. someone has to be there to help is in the beginning. it might be catching a ball, throwing, kicking, whatever, but someone is there teaching us the fundamentals. that gives us the confidence to do well, which leads to success.
aloha
April 21st, 2008 at 11:55 am
I believe success comes first. As you continue to succeed, the confidence starts to kick-in that you can and will achieve. You can be the most well conditioned and well coached athlete, however, you still need the reinforcement that your hard work and dedication will result in success. Normally it should happen, however, should the result end in constant losses this would erode any perceived confidence. How does one gain true confidence…through continual success. Success is subjective depending on the circumstances. You could be successful based on the amount of effort and training and how you fared in a sporting event or other endeavor, but not necessarily finish as the top dog. The fact that you were able to successfully attain certain goals should give the person confidence that next time with a little more work and/or preperation they may achive loftier goals is not outside their realm of possibilities. A toddler does not begin walking because they are confident they can do it. They walk because they are successful one step at a time. Each step gives them the confidence to take another step.
April 21st, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Nature vs Nuture arguement. If you have several children, you will see that each is born with different temperments as follows:
Choleric: bullish, leader type, not too sensitive
Meloncholic: thinker, a bit of the doubter, sensitive
Sanguine: cheerful type, emotions go up and down but rebounds fast
Phelgmatic: flexible
Of course these areas are developed to a certain point. You will never get a meloncholic to be a great cheerleader. Cholerics are the executive type, principals. Phelgmatics can’t decide where to go eat.
This is where some parents make a mistake like if there were a choleric linebacker type and their child is more sensitive. The dad learned a certain way and wants his son to be like him. No matter all the training and love, he will not be a linebacker like his dad. The quiet guys look like they don’t have confidence in sports early on but later you will hear stuff like lead by example and they don’t talk much
I guarentee if you understand this temperment thing, you will be more successfull in any people oriented job and expecially relationships.
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:56 am
I believe that if you as a parent, devote all the time that you can possibly give to your child, and show them(not expect them), teach them and guide them in the right direction, their confidence will come naturally. Thus resulting in success.
Guidance, Communication, Encouragement, Acceptance, and a whole lotta LOVE will give anyone the confidence they need to be successful in anything they do.
So I say confidence comes first, but doesn’t necessarily mean that they will always be successful, but they will have enough confidence to overcome any obstacle life may throw in front of them. Acceptance in the outcome, win or lose, will make them more successful with knowledge rather than failure.
May 2nd, 2008 at 3:09 pm
I think confidence comes first - and you get that by believing you can achieve your goal.
May 9th, 2008 at 11:54 am
I agree with carolyn that confidence comes first.